Random Rants

An alternative economy for the State of Maine

by Xavier Xeeds

Other than the trickle down effect from the Pink tide of obnoxious tourists and snooty summer folk, Maine's impoverished economy is dominated by potatoes, pulpwood, and pogies. These are capital-intensive crops that require large investments and centralized control, for the products bring only pennies per pound and must be traded in huge quantities. The industrial methods used cause environmental damage by poison and erosion, relatively few workers are employed in the highly mechanized process, and most of the returns go to out of state investors in petrochemicals, machinery, banking and insurance.

Although a body could live quite well in a wooden house eating potatoes cultivated by hand and fish caught from a wooden boat, cottage methods are simply inadequate for worthwhile export of these crops. There are many holders of small or rugged properties in Maine who need a valuable cash crop that requires no more investment than labor and ingenuity. Three plants in particular thrive in Maine and yield produce that is in great demand: the apple, the maple and the purple.

For those fortunate enough to live near any of Maine's millions of apple or maple trees, cider pressing time and boiling off are traditional delights. At over $10 and $100 per gallon respectively, cider and syrop, and derivative products can be sold anywhere and in any quantity. Unpruned apple trees on former farmland, and untapped maples near roads are proof of the decline in production, which is only 10% today what it was in 1910. It may take work to produce these crops, but what the hay! Nowadays it is hard to find work. Of course perennials take some time to bear..

There is a hardy little annual flower known as Cannabis Indica, which can only be said to flourish in Maine's lush, temperate rain forest. Half a bucket of shit and plenty of sunshine, and these babies grow so fast they hum. Late in the season, lonely females exude a sticky golden resin which billions worldwide take as a soothing nerve tonic, so much so that prices run from high to out of sight. A small patch of carefully tended herb from a good family can pay off a holder's mortgage in a single season. Thousands of such plots across Maine can produce a significant export crop in world trade for fuel and other imports, as well as a source of income for thousands of Maine families. These benefits can be reaped this year, except for the system. Restrictions on pressers and boilers are burdensome, and the marijuana tax is staggering. Fortunately enforcement is arbitrary and erratic, if severe, and is directed principally at organized crime and the "hard stuff". Still, any attempt to create alternative economies will be repressed, so don't get caught!

A note to growers - Don't pull all your males. Practice selective fertilization and propagate. Cannabis is a very responsive laboratory plant.

A note to dealers - Don't boost it all out of state. The practice reduces local supply and adversely affects pricing.

A note to officers - Your neighbors are growing these crops out of economic necessity; temper your zeal to do your duty with the interest of the community.

A note to thieves - It has been clinically shown that handling stolen pot may lead to sudden severe cases of broke limbs and lacerations of the skull bone.

How to improve the present situation?

Planting and pruning! Cultivation!

The world breathlessly awaits news of five billionaires running out of air on a deep dive to view the shattered remains of Titanic while the fate of ordinary folks attempting to transit the sea’s surface to a better life merits hardly a footnote. There is symmetry of the hubris that led to the loss of the world’s most luxurious liner, and its billionaire passengers, to that a century later of the bathysphere Titan on its vain and foolhardy sightseeing voyage to the former’s gravesite. At the time, the maiden voyage of Titanic was the supreme pinnacle of Victorian achievement, a marvel of the latest technology and fashion. However, reports of ignored warnings, weak fastenings and brittle steel plates point to decay beneath the varnish. Likewise the tiny Titan, complex artifact of high-technology, is said to have design and manufacture flaws experts warned about before her plunge to ocean’s floor. Just as specie and baubles of Titanic’s elite passengers are lost forever, so too are the millions invested in Titan’s construction and operation so a select crew of hobbyists may gaze in morbid fascination at relics of the great ship’s demise. The sea is littered with the bones of ships and men, for some of whom seafaring is livelihood and defense, for others a gay lark of fun and excitement. The loss of Titan compounds the arrogant complacency of Titanic with the ghoulish curiosity of sightseekers on their journey to the bottom of the sea, only to prove again the ocean has no pity, and waves, they never weep. They never weep.

Heave and belay,

Captain Yo

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