Residential Press Conference

The resident's first and most used word throughout was "uh", he confused <commiserate> for <commensurate>, twice, stubbornly repeated the word <nukuler> and in general stumbled when nearing the edges of the prepared text. For that is what the alleged "press conference" was, a prepared speech by the resident. As soon as each prescreened question was asked, Mr. Bush said Yeh! as he remembered the answer to that question and proceeded with reiteration of his key points. Towhit:

He is doing his job, he has a job to do, he has a duty to protect America, that's his job, he has a job and he's going to do it. -- Who could blame him for doing his job?

Saddam is a murderer, a killer, he used weapons of mass destruction against his OWN PEOPLE! Saddam is a torturer, a thief, a liar, a coward, a criminal, a tyrant, a dictator. -- Takes one to know one!

Over sixty nations are involved in freeing Iraq! There are over sixty nations supporting a free Iraq! The coalition includes over sixty nations! -- Yeah, and just wait 'til Fiji, Tonga and Lichtenstein step up to bat!

Saddam's capture doesn't mean an end to violence in Iraq. We can expect more violence. There will be more violence in Iraq. -- And who would better know?

The resident explained that war in Iraq was the final option after diplomacy had been exhausted (plans for an invasion of Iraq were drawn up before 9/11), and that diplomacy is being used in regard to North Korea's noisy WMD program (is it exhausted yet?). When asked about 9/11 and the possibility of collusion, he couldn't reply (pleading the Fifth). When asked about all the people in America and around the world who protest the war, he replied he made decisions to protect America, that there will be a time for politics, and he is looking forward to the debate (once upon a time in a democracy, debate PRECEDED policy..). He added a swipe at peaceniks saying that protesters were really Saddam supporters (whom will they support next?). These premeditated, coded utterings were delivered in a breathless huff, as if the resident had just finished personally administering Saddam a hearty spanking.

All this braying about the capture of Mr. Hussein is simply more panem et circenses. The White House spin team wants America and world to focus on the person of the tyrant, to make the same mistake that domestic dissidents and foreign adversaries make focusing on Mr. Bush when struggling against the CONspiracy. In ancient Rome, the mob was always satisfied with the blood of the tyrant, while leaving the office intact. We got him! rhetoric is window dressing. Saddam Hussein is just another mad dog, trained, armed and unleashed upon the world's poor by the United States government to foment profitable mayhem, and which ordinary Americans are expected to muzzle at their own peril and expense. The notion that collaring a smelly, desperate fugitive is accomplishing a war aim is just as ludicrous. The true aims of the war in Iraq are diverting attention from failures of domestic policy, operation of a pork barrel for administration cronies, establishment of a permanent U.S. military base in the Middle East now that Saudi Arabia is closed to U.S., and oh yeah, securing the wellheads. Thinking that eliminating Mr. Hussein will bring an end to attacks against occupation forces is folly. Even the resident promises more bloodshed as Iraq is dragged into the free world without the option of free elections which would clearly be won by Islamic nationalists, just as free elections were postponed in Vietnam twenty years ago because the Viet Cong would have won. That is why the resident foresees more violence despite the capture of the world's greatest villain (sic).

Meanwhile, Americans get Saddam for Christmas. Happy Holidays!

Reverend Doktor "C." Sarian

Mid Coast Sub Church of Paranoia

Church of the SubGenius

121603